I just realized that you were born on a Thursday!

Another year

Another year gone by.......Happy Birthday Adrienne!  33 years young.  Where does the time go?  I miss and love you.  You are always in my heart!  Love, Mom

Happy Birthday!

Happy 32nd birthday sweet angel! You are missed and loved. What I would give to be able to give you a big hug and kiss. Sometimes the tears just can't be held back. I would love to have a dream of you in Heaven letting me know it's all ok and you are doing fine. I miss you so much! The pain is just as hard today as it was 8 and 1/2 years ago. I love and miss you so much Adrienne!

Love always,

Mom

HAPPY ANGEL DATE!

Dear Adrienne,

Happy angel date! Eight years ago.....it still seems like yesterday. I did fairly well today. A few tears but overall I did well. I took a pretty rose to you and sat and visited for a while.

Brent sent me flowers yesterday with a note to tell me he loves his mom. Oh my gosh...he has never done that for your special dates and that made me cry! Usually we are together with the girls but this year for whatever reasons it didn't happen.

I found out Kimberly joined you two and a half years ago. I think of the time we would spend with you girls sharing a hospital room. The two of you were so cute. If we had only known that this is where we would be down the road. I never would have thought.

I love and miss you as always. What I would give to be able to hug and kiss you!

Love always,

Mom

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dearest Adrienne,

Your 31st birthday!!!!! Where have the years gone? 31 years ago they wheeled me into surgery, delivered a 5 lb. 14 oz. baby girl and life flighted her off to Hermann. I saw you about 6 days later. My little girl and it wasn't at all what they told us it would be. A totally different diagnosis and you would be with us forever! Dr. Adcock sure was mistaken. But maybe there is a little to be thankful for in that. You were treated more like a normal child than I would have been with you had I known you were only going to be with me for 23 years.

This is the eighth birthday since you left to go live with God. It doesn't seem that it was that long ago. I know Heaven is wonderful for you. None of the trials and tribulations that you had here on earth. Finally a perfect life for you! It doesn't make the pain of not having you any less for me though!

I hung up my angel picture that I had made here (it got a little messed up in the mail) and had a second one made for my office at work. I can always look at the pictures and imagine you walking through beautiful fields of flowers in Heaven. I find some comfort in that vision.

Hope your birthday with God was fabulous today! I love and miss you dearly. Still waiting for that special dream.

Love,

Mom

Early Happy Birthday!

Hey sweet girl........

Brent and the girls are coming in tomorrow night so we can do your yearly birthday party and send your balloon to Heaven. I think it will be a pizza party this year and the girls will pick out your cake.

We are going to have the party at Petie and Dick's house because I will be over there house/dog sitting. Remember Adam Meyer? It is his parents. You went to a party there once. Adam is becoming a doctor. He lives in Boston now. I have a picture of him on your memory board from your memorial service that was from your "Sweet 16" birthday party. It is hard to believe this will be the eighth year celebrating without you!

I think I will have the girls post you a little note when they are here. They always ask to go to Aunt Adrienne's when they are here. You are always in their thoughts.

You know I love you and miss you so very much! Amazing....this is the first time I have written to you and not cried! Look for your balloon Sunday! Happy early 31st birthday! I will also come on the 25th!

Hugs, kisses and love,

Mom

Always Tears

Dear Adrienne,

I don't know where they come from but there are always tears shed. It can be a thought, looking at something that brings up a memory, a song.....it doesn't take much and with your birthday coming up and Christmas being your favorite holiday.......after seven years there are times it is just like yesterday.

I read the prettiest book about The Promise of Heaven by Randy Alcorn. I have read several of his books. It sooths me to think of you there and how beautiful it is and how there is no more physical pain or the pain of being different.

The girls were here for 12 days and it was so cute. They always ask to go see you so we do. Then you were with us almost every where we went for the rest of the time. They would say Adrienne is sitting in the front with her mom, or over here on the step at the pool. You were their imaginary friend who went every where we went and did everything we did. I love it that they have you in their hearts and you are a part of their life. I had an "Aunt Adrienne" memory necklace made for each of them and they were so happy! They wore it every chance they could.

Here is the latest picture I have of them. I also had them a flip flop quilt made by my favorite quilt lady who puts the angel and lizard on each one. They were so happy to have their own custom flipper flopper quilt.

That is about for tonight.

Love and miss you as always,

Mom

Brent's Birthday

Dear Adrienne,

Today is Brent's birthday. 32 years young. You would've been following along in 3 months and be 31. But you will eternally be 23 years old. I looked at baby pictures of you last night. When you weren't as healthy and happy.

I miss and love you more than I ever thought would be possible. I gave Brent a Willow Tree Brother and Sister for Father's day and a Father & Daughters MY GIRLS figurine. Now he is surrounded by ALL the girls in his life!

Morgan and Lexie will be here from 7/23 to 8/1. I am looking forward to it. They always talk about you and want to go visit you at your niche at St. Christopher's. I never bring it up. They always ask so that makes me feel good that you are in their hearts and thoughts.

If we only had you here with us....I should be happy you are with God in Heaven but I still miss you terribly and want you here. I guess I will never get over death. It is easier but still hurts so much. I send you my love!

Mom

Tears, tears and more tears

Dear Adrienne,

It never fails. I open this blog and the tears flow. They flow in the house too but almost always when I come to this. There are so many things I want to share with you but you aren't here for me to share them with and I don't think this is something I will EVER get used to. I really do look forward to the day we will be reunited in Heaven and we can hug and kiss and go off together and catch up on all of your new things you have been doing because I have a funny feeling you always know what mom is up to, my thoughts, my ups and downs. I want to hear about your new wonderful life and what you have been doing. I have prayed and prayed that God will allow me to have a dream where I see you and you can tell me that you are ok and happy. I really need to know this for some strange reason. Maybe just to bring me some peace.

I have attached a new picture of me and the boys for you to see how grown up they are. Nick is getting ready to start UT Austin.

Almost no one talks about you but me. That makes me sad. Is it because they are afraid of upsetting me or because my worst fear has come ...... that you are slowly being forgotten. Of course being your mother is different but I don't know how anyone who knew you could forget you. I wish I could dedicate something to you but I think what it be. It is so important to me that your memory lives on. Some day I will figure out what that will be. The Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow plants that I gave to St. Thomas, Aunt Audrey, mom, Brent and me.....I think the only one that is around is Aunt Audrey's and it is gorgeous!

I love and miss you as much today as April 2, 2003. Take care.

Love,

Mom

Update on Bella, Gigi and Parker

Dear Adrienne,

Look at Bella (Isabella), Gerry and of course we can't forget Parker. Isabella turned 7 on April 2. In the past 7 years she has become my beautiful fun earth angel for Lexie and Morgan to enjoy when they come spend their 7 to 10 days here each summer. They are both sweet children but Isabella will always have that special place in my heart since God sent her to us late in the afternoon at the same hospital where He had taken you during the early morning hours. God does wonderful things and this was one of them for me personally especially since she was not due until the following week by ceserean. God gave us all something to smile about during our time of pain. Thank you God! We all miss you Adrienne but are very greatful to God for the joy also given to us 7 years ago.

I love and miss you so much but one day will be with you again.

Mom

Happy Mother's Day!

Dear Adrienne,

Mother's Day will never be the same with you gone. I know you are wishing me a happy one from Heaven. I still have all the cards you gave me throughout the years. You always made it a point to get cards with just the right words in them and wrote me such sweet little notes for whatever occasion it was. I guess that is the difference between girls and boys. Boys just don't think about those things.

I miss you so much! I still cry easily when I think of you. I did go visit last Friday at the church. No lizzard. At least one was there on April 3 when the whole family went to visit you.....just for the girls and I to see though. It is funny how it is like a special little sign from God and not for all to share.

I love you sweety!

Mom

Seven Years

Dear Adrienne,

Seven years at 2:20am tomorrow morning or 3:53am according to the hospital and off you went to be with God. It feels like yesterday. And tomorrow is Isabella's 7th birthday. What a day April 2 has turned out to be...in 2005 Pope John Paul II came and joined you.

Brent and the girls are coming for the anniversary and Easter. They will be here tomorrow evening. I will go to St. Christopher's tomorrow and visit you. And of course the girls will want to come see you and bring you a flower!

I miss you more than I thought was possible. Especially seven years later. I keep thinking it will get easier but I don't think it does. It hurts just as much today as it did seven years ago. I don't think anyone understands the pain. Maybe if they have lost a child they may understand but not other people.

Happy Angel Day! We'll see if I wake up like I usually do around that time. I miss and love you so much Adrienne. One day we will be able to be together again!

Love,

Mom

O M GOODNESS

Dear Lulu,

Where is my head????????? In all these post I have NEVER mentioned Isabella.....unreal. Of course everyone close to us knows about her. Baby Bella as we called her forever..........born April 2, 2003 before sunset and you were taken before sunrise earlier that day. Isabella put a smile on my face that day; immediately I realized the belief of God sends one when He takes one apparently was true. But who knew He would do it among people that are so close to one another. Here is what I made to go with your 21 year old picture and Isabella's baby picture.......

God chose Adrienne Michelle Mullen to be one of his Angels on April 2nd, 2003. He also sent to my best friend and her family Isabella Nicole, who was due to arrive by cesarean on April 9th. Adrienne left us before sunrise and Isabella joined us before sunset. I thank God for giving us Isabella on that sad day and bringing joy into all of our lives and hearts. Isabella is my special “earth angel”. Isaiah 57:1-2

So two happy post in ONE day (after re-reading I realize not.....one post or less a day is good for me). There will be MORE happy ones!!!!!!!!!

Love, Mom

Happy Days

Dear Lulu,

I have been instructed to post a "Happy" post whether I want to or not from a bunny rabbit who lives in IN AND I am not allowed to mention your name.

So.....hear is my happy post........Brent and the girls are coming to visit Easter weekend which is also your seventh anniversary when God chose to make you one of his angels. You know we will come visit because the girls always want to visit their aunt. It will be fun having the girls here for Easter and Kaki Bunny will take care of them!!!!!!!!

I went back to Christ Care group last night. Of course everyone there Knew who you are. Imagine that! :o) It was great and nice to see everyone again. I learned something new about bibles. Some bibles include but most do not some additions at the end of the old testament some information that was found approximately 100 years after the original bible was written. So I am going to find and buy me a copy of one of those bibles or additions. I beleive they called it the Apocrypha.

So there is my "happy" posting.

Luv you XOXO,

Mom

Adrienne's Life....23 and 1/2 years young

At 5 weeks and 6 days she went into heart failure, then Christmas eve spinal meningitis (viral) which took about 72 hours to determine is was viral), then again at 10 weeks heart failure then failure to thrive right after that(burning up her calories as she ate because it took so long for her to drink her bottle) so tube feedings started, then stroke level blood pressure. It seemed like it was constantly something and she spent as much time in the hospital as she did at home for probably the first 6 to 9 months. I think Brent that we just babysat her.

Then we started with the chronic ear/sinus infections. Of course she was delayed in doing everything and ALWAYS a thin little baby. When she finally crawled it was what I call an army crawl (on her belly using her arms to get around but boy she mastered that and could get from point a to b in seconds!) Then the illnesses got further apart and things seemed a little more normal but we always seemed to get some weird something when we were sick. Occipital cellulitis when she was 2 1/2 where the drs. were afraid she may lose site in that eye. May of 83 at 4 1/2 she had heart surgery. Did fine. Then cellulitis in her legs off and on till she was a teenager. Vasculitis on her extremities when she was about 10 and that lasted a year. Had several neck surgeries (plastic surgery) to correct severe webbing which was part of the Turner's. Growth hormone injections that got her up to 4 11 3/4" so we reached 5' in our book and she was very happy. Without them she would have been 4'7". Took female hormones to promote period, breast and other normal female characteristics. Her personality was always a little off. At 5 they said she was ADHD but I could always tell it was something a little more. Normal intelligence even above but just didn't have appropriate behavior at all times and barely had a friend which is very sad from a mother's perspective.

She took a year or two after high school but finally started college and was just at the point of transferring from community to a 4 year when she died. Starting in Dec. of 02 she got sick enough to go to the ER 2 days in a row some unknown infection where here white cells were sky high, then in Feb. same type of weird thing, 2 days in a row ER, but this time lungs hurting and uncontrollable jerks. I remember at that point thinking to myself that this was weird and almost going back health wise like when she was a baby. Then the end of Feb. or beginning of March my dad took her for me to the cardiologist because she was feeling so bad and it turned out she had strep in her blood??? but the did her yearly checkup and and treadmill and all, put her on two high doses of different antibiotics and all seemed fine.

March 20th was coming up and that is the youngest grandaughter's birthday (Morgan). Adrienne told me her dad would be there and in those cases I have always not gone and just go another weekend (except for Morgan's baptism). I decided the heck with it, I could deal with it since there would be a bunch of other people and I wouldn't have to deal with him. We went; had a great time. That was the last time Adrienne saw her brother, nieces and dad. She died April 2 at home in the middle about 2:30 am. EMS got here and worked on her until 3:30 but I knew in my heart she was gone. They took her to the hospital and the Dr. told me the reason they tried was because she was still warm when they got there. There was no obvious reason that she should be dead so the Dr. sent her to the medical examiner for an autopsy. Two days later her normal Dr. called and told me he called the coroner's office and she had died of an aortic dissection and wanted to know if she had hit her chest or fallen on anything. I told him no. Come to find out Turner's can have this and a few have died; fewer have survived.

The following is a letter I wrote for the Compassionate Friends newsletter one year.

A Mother’s Reflection


Adrienne’s short but full life of only 23 years was a difficult journey from day one that she always managed to master and have such a positive outlook. She always felt that she could overcome and accomplish any challenge thrown at her. She generally dealt with her medical issues well. It was her being “different” that was the hardest for her to accept and sadly enough for “normal” people to accept her. However she continued in her own way to make the most out of her life by being cheery, positive and working towards that “normal” life that she desperately sought. Being her mother it was always heart wrenching to see her try so hard and have to deal with the disappointments. Adrienne’s determination allowed her to pull herself back up and move on. I don’t think many of us including myself, would have ever had her strength to deal with life’s cruelties as graciously as she did.

She was a very loving daughter who did give me headaches on one or two occasions. I thank God that I had her for 23 years to teach me about dealing with life and showing me how to be just maybe a little bit more tolerant of individuals shortcomings.

I am sorry Adrienne that I…

…didn’t tell you more often how much I love you
…didn’t always take the time to give you a smile, hug or kiss
…didn’t always take the time to slow down so that we could spend more time together
…didn’t let more things roll off of my back
…wasn’t always able to protect you from the cruel comments and actions of others
…didn’t know you would leave suddenly and our time together would be gone forever
…didn’t get to know God as well as you until after you were gone

Thank you Adrienne for…

…23 years of unconditional love
…your wonderful smiles, hugs and kisses
… always forgiving me and acknowledging that I was doing the best I could as a parent of a challenging child
…for your courage, determination and strength that showed me how to not give up when things get tough
…your love for life
…not letting your medical problems or me slow you down or stop you from experiencing life
…having kept many childlike behaviors throughout your life even though at times they were embarrassing to me
…for the joy and appreciation you always had on your birthday or for Christmas
…the last New Year’s we spent together alone and the fun we had
…bringing me closer to God after your death
…knowing that regardless of all of my “should” haves, “would” haves, guilt, sadness; it will be ok and get better each day because that’s what you would want for me
…being a wonderful, loving daughter and my best friend always.

Happy “25th” birthday Adrienne! You had such a wonderful way of dealing with your shortcomings and ignorance of people. You were always so determined to be “normal” and “fit in”. I just want to tell you again how very proud I am of you and everything you accomplished.

Adrienne had Turner Syndrome and died suddenly from a dissection of the aorta. In so many ways she was still a young child but she tried so hard to be 23. I will always have Adrienne in my heart, thoughts, memories and prayers. I love and miss her very much and now have an understanding of what people mean by “a broken heart”. I hope that I will eventually acquire her tremendous strength to get me through the grieving process.

I learned from Adrienne that it is possible in life to pull yourself back up and move forward when life has not been fair. We all know losing our child is not fair but they would want us to pull ourselves up and move forward. We will have them forever in our hearts, memories and dreams. No one and nothing can take these away from us!

I would like to thank the B Shift at Station 57 for everything they did for Adrienne and me in the early hours of April 2, 2003.

Engine 57

Captain Wayne Waters Engine Operator George Steich

Firefighter Larry Fenske Firefighter Bill Spratt


Ambulance Supervisor 57

Captain Wesley Warneke


Ambulance 78

Paramedic Troy Steinberg Paramedic James Pennington



Catherine G. Chism
TCF, Houston, TX
October 2004

For Sharing

Adrienne is inurned at a columnbarium at an Episcopal church my parents were members of. Almost every time I would go visit her in the beginning and I would be in tears and sad (not that this has passed but it is much better) and one day a chameleon came out from the crack next to her niche, he ran across the top of the columnbarium and would come across other niches. This went on for several months and I think my family and friends thought I was nuts because of course they would never see the lizard. I just kept telling them that I thought God was doing this to put a smile on my face and to not be so sad. It was as if the lizard would pop out and say hello. My grandaughters had even seen it. One day I decided to take my camera since the lizard almost always came out when I was there and sure enough almost a year to the day she died here he did his thing as if he were posing for me. Long story short eventually others did see him but none of us have EVER seen him as in this picture. Then I would have one lizard on my patio at the apartments and in all the years I lived here there has NEVER been a lizard on the patio. I don't see them at the church or on my patio as often but it never fails that when I am having a real bad day one (always just one) will appear either at home or church and I always think it is from God to make me smile. The girls always ask me about Adrienne's lizard. So now you have the WHOLE story. I will get some help from someone to attach the picture and you'll see my little animal friend and also to attach a picture of Brent and the grandbabies and me!

Slowly but surely making changes

Hi Adrienne,

Your room is coming along very nicely. You and I have Tammy to thank for that! She made beautiful shabby chic rag quilts, pillow shams and the pillows that I have used to redecorate your room. I know you would REALLY like it. It is soooo pretty, girly girly; a light open airy look. It is so cheery and has an inviting look to it. It is as if the room belongs in some little cottage in a sunny field full of flowers or on a beach in one of those litlle wooden beach homes with a porch and little picket fence. They type of home that has turned gray over the years from the salt water and air slowly removing the white paint. I have set up Lexie and Morgan's Moses baskets and babies in there. It can now be there little haven; "Aunt Adrienne's room". They can play mommy with there babies and listen to music on your music unit. They are going to love it!

I hope you can see it! I miss you SO much Adrienne and of course love you! It just seems impossible that it has been almost seven years. It still hurts way too much! You know there isn't a day that goes by that you haven't entered my thoughts several times throughout the day. I look forward to that one day that we can be together again!

Love,

Mom

Miss you and love you Adrienne!

Dear Adrienne,

I have been cleaning your room some so that when the girls come it can be "their" little playroom/nursery for their dolls. I come across items that I am so glad to find because I feared they were gone. Tonight I found your little dress that you were brought home from when you were a newborn. Debbie Triscolli bought it for you. It is the cutest little long white dress with little pink rosebuds all over it. I remember it having a bonnet and booties but they are nowhere to be found. So I am thankful for the dress.

I miss you so much. It still doesn't take much for me to start crying. I guess that is never going to go away. Just writing to you now has me in tears. I can not believe we are coming up on seven years. It certainly doesn't seem that long; it is just like it happened yesterday.

Every time the girls are here for a visit they ask to go see you. We go visit at the columnbarium and they talk to you and always say a prayer. Almost everytime I talk to Lexie she ask how you are and asks about your lizard. I don't see a lizard very often but I think when I am really going through a bad time God always lets me see one. Sometimes in the strangest places and sometimes here on the patio. I don't see them at the church very often.

Your room is a mess. I have changed the decor (but I think you would REALLY like it) and I took your old bed set and curtains to the church thrift shop and they were thrilled to get the complete set. I have arranged things so that when I finally get the room cleaned I can go sit in your chair and have comfort time just sitting there. Your memory board that Aunt Audrey made is still hanging above your bed; all the pictures are still on; nothing has fallen off. So it is just a matter of me getting my rear in gear and cleaning the papers from the floor.

I guess I will sign off for now. I love you SO much and miss you terribly!

Love,

Mom

It's at hours like this that you realize your life will never be the same. You wake up, can't go back to sleep because all you can do is think of your child that will never be here with you on earth ever again. You will never hear her laugh, never get a kiss or a hug, never have an argument. Then your eyes fill with tears and the "why" starts coming in your head. And why can't you have just one dream of her saying to you that she is ok. I have had other dreams but never this one telling me not to worry and that things are good. In other dreams she may be off to the side but I am very aware she is dead and the word dead has been said. I just want God to allow me to have one dream telling me she is with him and doing just fine or for Him to allow her in my dreams and reassure me that she is happy and doing well. I miss her so much!

You two also are in my prayers. One persons struggles, pains and needs are no greater than anothers. The two of you are facing difficulties that need the prayers of others also. It has been a blessing to me to have met you and to have continued our communication. You are a dear person and your husband must be an earth angel from what you have said about him!

I am new to this and don't know quite where to begin or what to write........I lost my daughter 6 and 1/2 years ago at home at 2:20 am unexpectedly from an aortic dissection. Two weeks ago would have been her 30th birthday. It hurts just as much today as it did 6 1/2 years ago. I have come to accept the extreme sadness will always be here on anniversaries. There is no escaping or avoiding it.